Top Ten

Top 10 Signs You're On A Bad Diet

10. You're not allowed to eat during months with an "R" in them.

9. You're told to replace food with crack.

8. Company sent you a funhouse mirror to make you look thinner.

7. It's a Dr. Phil diet and after two weeks you look exactly like Dr. Phil.

6. You're sweating cottage cheese.

5. If you follow it faithfully, they promise you'll lose two pounds in the next 12 years.

4. You're only allowed to eat Ukranian foods rich in dioxin.

3. Sure, you'll lose weight, but you're also a foot shorter.

2. It's the Atkin's Diet----the Chet Atkins diet.

1. Your ass has gone from Jennifer Lopez to Kirstie Ally.

-----David Letterman